You know why men are always chasing women and not the other way around, right? It's because we want it more. Men love sex in a way women never will, and that's why, always, sooner or later, it's the man practically (or literally) begging for it while the women tend to get frequent headaches farther into relationships.
Right? I mean, that's what conventional wisdom has come up with, right? And an opinion thousands of years in the making has to have the truth behind it. We all know that.
Wrong. So wrong. I'm ready to jump through the screen and throttle whoever came up with this brilliant idea. The only thing holding me back is the fact he's so long dead.
If he wasn't, I'd want to finish the job myself.
This is one of the greatest fallacies in all of life. Listen, men have one basic kind of orgasm. One. It can vary in intensity, sure, and sometimes it'll even be stimulated by something other than direct contact, but it's really just variations on a theme. That's just how we're built.
For a woman, the closest thing to our one orgasm is a clitoral one. But here's the thing: women have TWO MORE kinds, arguably THREE. In addition to the clitoral, they also have the g-spot, the v-spot (deep in the vagina) and the vaginal, if you argue that isn't related.
All those orgasms produce different feelings - feelings that men can imagine, but we can never truly know. And if a woman winds up having two OR MORE kinds of orgasms SIMULTANEOUSLY, WATCH OUT. During the height of perfect intimacy we can get a vicarious taste of this - or if you're deeply tantric, you may believe that your feelings literally meld and a guy can get the full affect - but 999 out of 1000 male lives will never come close to approaching the levels of feeling that women can get out of sex. We're just not built that way.
Almost makes you jealous, doesn't it? Don't worry, quite a few women never really explore this, and if you can learn how to help a woman along, you'll never be alone again. But that's a topic for another newsletter.
Wait a sec, you think, this is supposed isn't this supposed to be a newsletter about relationships? Why does it only seem to be about sex?
Ah my brothers, this has EVERYTHING to do with relationships. I just wanted to point out, first of all, that men do NOT have to want sex more than women. They usually don't. Women are simply more subtle, and also more finicky (blame evolution).
A woman can't be turned on just like that. I show you a naked picture of Angelina Jolie, within seconds you could be pounding nails with your tool. Show a woman a naked Brad Pitt, and you aren't likely to get the same reaction.
I don't mean her nipples will be insufficiently stimulated to drive that same nail, either.
While men tend to be visual, women tend to be cognitive. She needs her MIND turned on before she gets in the mood.
Trust me, she WANTS to be in the mood, almost certainly more than you. But just because you get hard at the sight of her nightie, that doesn't mean she's ready.
And here's the problem. Men get aroused so much faster than women that oftentimes they move too quickly. The woman wants sex, but not yet, and the guy is already moving fast into foreplay or, worse penetration.
For the woman, that's just no fun. That's not the lovemaking she wants. If you move too quick she may join in for YOU, but not for her. And this starts to become a pattern. Pretty soon she's looking at sex as a chore, a way to keep you happy, but all the while she's not being made happy.
This is when those pesky headaches start to appear.
This is when the man starts getting grabby, pawing, begging, putting himself in the position of weakness.
Now things are getting even worse, because that kind of wussy behavior is worse than nothing, it's the ANTITHESIS of arousing for a woman. It'd be like if a woman took out her teeth before she started kissing you, EVERY TIME. Or removed a breast. Think of your own disgusting physical turn-off, and that's exactly what you're doing to her mentally.
Sex becomes less frequent, and MORE of a bothersome task for her. This leads to the man begging all the more, leading to the woman wanting it less and less, until it basically disappears.
The man becomes distraught, MORE pathetic in his attempts, and suddenly your abstinent. Or dumped. Or - worst? - cheated on.
As Dean Wormer might have said, abstinent, begging, and weak is no way to go through life, son.
So how do you keep from letting this happen? It's simple. Maybe hard in practice, but simple in theory.
Don't paw, don't coyly place her hand on your crotch, don't plead for a little sweetness. Even if you get it that way - less and less as time goes by - the sex won't be the kind of passionate embrace it should be.
No, it MUST be.
You've got to learn to lean back, ESPECIALLY when you've been in a relationship for awhile. You need to turn her on MENTALLY, and let her show you when she's ready.
Don't worry about her knowing about you. We have a handy flag raised whenever we're in the mood.
A woman, though, needs to be turned on more patiently, much more slowly. When she's ready to move up a level, she'll certainly let you know, most likely in a physical way.
If you can give her a little then draw back - tease her a bit - then you'll REALLY start to see something.
You want HER pawing YOU. SHE should be begging YOU for sex - in a playful way, of course, but nonetheless, YOU should be the one holding out longer.
This will help ensure that she REALLY is in the mood by the time you get down to it - which in turn leads to amazing sex.
Much better than a distracted handjob during Conan that she does just to get you to shut up.
Retain the POWER and the CONTROL in the bedroom. There is a LONG history behind this, but the long and short of it is this is a SEXY THING on a man.
Unless you've got a dominatrix, submission and pleading is not.
Feel free to play around with this. Some of the most EXPLOSIVE sex I've ever had was when I'd built a woman up to great heights, she wanted to keep climbing, and I suddenly stopped, lay back, and said through a knowing grin "No. You don't want it enough yet." A woman can get nearly VIOLENT in her passion after something like that, if she's been built up correctly.
This sort of sexual tension works almost all the time. Of course sometimes, for whatever reason, it won't. The key then is:
SUCK IT UP.
Go a night without. Don't pout. Don't EVER beg. Don't even cajole. You might get something that moment, but you're damaging your sex life in the long run. You are losing your attractiveness.
Remember, SHE'S the one who is going to be experiencing depths of feeling outside the ordinary experience of men the world over. If she knows that you can provide those feelings and you don't do anything to screw up your sexual appeal, she WILL come to YOU.
You know, people DO get REAL headaches sometimes. A lot of bouncing isn't pleasant. Don't plant unpleasant experiences in her head when she thinks of you and sex. You want them ALL to be GREAT. Now no one can be on all the time, but even if every single experience isn't fantastic, most of them SHOULD be, and there should be NO negative ones.
So we all need to be little Fonzies. And what's Fonzie like? Correctomundo, cool. If the night ain't right, let it lie.
And if it is, let HER show YOU. Your job is to get her in the mood. After that, making love to her is something you CHOOSE to do for HER, not for your rocks.
Forget about your rocks. Think with your cool, and your rocks will be happy. Let the rocks lead you around, and they'll wind up blue, sooner or later.